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About Literature / Hobbyist Member Paul23/Male/United States Recent Activity
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Every feathers a letter every bird is a word ever flock is a sentence.
I'll try and catch a few and tell you what I think of the sunset

The pain comes in waves and If you try and hold on, before it's too late the current rips you apart.

This kills me too.
I got three souls all tangled up in me.
In the center of my heart, it's such a mess.
Can't begin to drop a line and start letting go.

They fill me up. Make me happy that they still wander an earthly plane.

Yet,
They cause me so much grief.
Rather, I cause grief for them
Cause they don't know

What's like with all these tangled souls.
Tangled Three
Won't begin to describe this.

All I can say is I'm sorry but I can't let go.

I can't figure out how.
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My soul howls with Gaia and her kin.
Stardust composes us all.
In the bellies of ancient burning beasts,
We were forged.
In their fiery deaths we were cast,
Deep into the vacuum of space.
Through Eons and perfect accident we began to form.
We are now the death feigns of an elder Cosmos.
Pillars of atoms desperately trying to understand.
Be kind.
Our souls are intimately intertwined.
Hurting others is hurting yourself,
You are them as much as I am me.

We are One.
Universal Oneness
Understanding how we are one is one of the most spiritual things I know.

I have alot of unusual views on life melding science and spirituality.

I think we then say we are one. This is what they mean. We are all star dust.
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Has something happened,
Have I gone crazy?
When I like chaos,
But living lazy.

I wake up early,
And life's a movie.
There's people dancing,
And monsters burning.

I look at clouds,
And they tell me a story.
Life is fleeting, and life is boring.

I think they caught my depression.

So when I wake up at the edge of my bed.
And everything that's wrong starts fallin' outta my head.
I'll say I'm sorry,
I'm in a bad mood.

So I found beauty,
In all I hated.
In this scene of fucks ups
and desperation.

Maybe one day
I'll find my way.
With walks to new towns
And mental break downs.

I hate to tell ya kid,
You'll never be okay.
They won't listen
They'll hate you anyway.

So lose yourself in the chaos.

So when you wake up at the edge of your bed,
And everyone you love is slippin' through your hands.
You'll say I'm sorry,
I'm in a bad mood.

Well something happened,

and I went crazy.
Bad mood.
This is a song. I've yet to record it.
I think it reads well as a poem though.
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I've been going crazy. Crazier, anyways.
Had an attack last night. I think its Rapid Cycling bipolar disorder. and thats not like, just a quick self diagnostic. Thats months and months of research into mental illness. Talking to people to have that and similar things.
So ya know, tonight i'm just sittin here awake at fuckin 2:20 in the fucking morning. Just like. Trying to keep it together.
when it hits its bad man. Real bad. Its lke, your lovers hand becomes a strangers. you get lost in these cycling thoughts. Over and over and over again. One phrase, "I'm faking this, its not real, im okay" "Dont lose it"  "I dont wanna be this way"
Ya know. THings like that
You close your eyes, hide in the dark. Fall into your head. Real fuckin deep. ITs like a well. ya know. aNd you wanna climb out and say something, like, its just an episode, dont worrry. but you can't everything stops you.
Then your emotions go fucking nuts. Your so angry you wanna put a hole in the wall. Start screaming, fight someone. Heart rate jumps way way up, breathing gets heavy. Then bam, your crying because you dont even fucking know its just tears for NO god damn reason. Ya can stop yourself from hittin gthings, but ya can never stop the tears from coming. and it just flips. Sometimes its so bad you start to laugh manically. And switch between all three of those. Your emotions bouncing around in your head at horrible velocities battling it out for dominance. Clawing at your face. Trying to stop it. BUt ya cant.
Then the worst part hits. That sounds like the worst but its not even close. You feel numb. So numb. Its indescribable. You'll never know what its like unless you've felt it yourself. Your brain shuts off. No thoughts, not a damn one. Nothing. Your eyes grow hard, staring out to nothing. Your breathing slows to a point like its stopped. Your heart beats softer and slower than it ever has your whole life. your limbs grow stiff. Fingers get colder. you cant move. cant speak, Zero emotion. really, its like being dead, but somehow, your still aware. Its hard to explain. Then, if your lucky, you'll slip back into what you try to keep as normal. go smoke a cigg, continue on like nothin happened. Maybe burn your arm to snap back to reality. Pain has a way of drawing you out.  
Or.
It starts all over again.

Why am I putting this here in a public place. Well, Its cause i already have. So many times. I"ve just never said all of it so bluntly.
I probably need professional help. Can't get that being poor though. Can't tell family cause, hey who wants a kid thats fucking crazy. dont wanna make them deal with that. Haveta shell out cash for me. Fuck that. Families been through enough all ready.

Typed all that out and now i dont know if i can post it.
Hard to be okay, to accept that I"m nuts. Shit I dont fucking know.

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Goombaslayer
Paul
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Well, Its been a long time, and I think i'm a new person now, so, new bio.
I am quite, more so than ever. I try to keep my word. but we know how that goes.
I"m selfish. Not of things but of the passing time.
I like art and I dont skate as much as I would like to.
Theres more, but, its not all that interesting.
Current Residence: Augusta GA (leaving for the mountains on March 14th)
Favourite genre of music: Psychedelic, Blues, Funk, any thing strange and crazy.
Favourite style of art: Surrel, depressive things, that capture the darkest of human emotion and internal struggle
Operating System: Windows XP
MP3 player of choice: My I pod Nano
Favourite cartoon character: Marshall Lee (Adventure Time)
Personal Quote: hopefully this works out.
Interests

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:iconbleedingprophecies:
BleedingProphecies Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happiest of birthdays, my friend! :heart: :party: :glomp: 

I hope you have a truly lovely day, dearie! 

Let's chat soon, yeah? :heart: 
Reply
:icongoombaslayer:
Goombaslayer Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you and I did :D and for sure
Reply
:iconbleedingprophecies:
BleedingProphecies Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: 
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:iconsircassie:
SirCassie Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Your avatar is awesome:D
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:iconbleedingprophecies:
BleedingProphecies Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the favorite, good sir. c: 
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:iconscribblenscratch:
scribbleNscratch Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014
Thanks alot for the fave :D
Reply
:icongrawr-dinomasaur:
grawr-dinomasaur Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for watching and whatnot
You got a keen eye for photography 
:D
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:iconcatosan:
Catosan Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student Photographer
Thanks for the favs Paul! :)
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:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much for the fav! :)
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013   General Artist
happy birthday! :la:
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